UNDERSTANDING PARISIANS FOR AN AUSSIE BATTLER

 

So after living in this city for 3.5 years now, I've been able to explore a bit more of the 'real' Paris. I've been able to see sights, cafes, bars, shopping malls, you name it. Yet, until now, what has intrigued me the most in my observations of Paris is the people. I feel only now, after so long, am I in a position to make judgements and share with you my thoughts on Parisians. Note to reader: This article is highly sarcastic and exaggerated, with sweeping generalisations. Not all Parisians fall under these categories but sadly many do.

Paris is the most multi-cultural city in Europe. According to one Parisian friend "there is a deep and hostile racial and religious politics that is trying to redefine what it is to be French, with a strong sense of ultranationalism amongst its moral leadership." Yet despite the large multi-cultural population who have assimilated into society, offering hundreds of delicious kebab shops, markets, hammams and spas, there is no doubt that the French culture is still cemented all over the city. In my first year of uni my French teacher decided to give us a 15 page essay entitled “La Vrai Parisien” (The True Parisian.) Well, my honest opinions and observations were too impolite and sarcastic to hand in on paper, especially to a teacher who is French herself. So instead I wrote two separate assignments. Now I will share with you “The Ugly Truth” (sadly without the eye candy that is Gerard Butler.) When I first approached this extremely vague and self-interpretive task, I started asking myself rhetorical questions, trying not to put on that annoying Carrie Bradshaw voice. “What is the true Parisienne? How do they look? How do they dress? Where do they hang out? Which clichés are true?”

 
The French have been undermined by hundreds of stereotypes over the years, generalising them as beret-wearing, wine-drinking, baguette-eating cigarette smokers. But as a whole they are much more than what meets the eye. Of course this perception was once created for a reason (and boy they do know a good baguette avec du jambon et du fromage) but they certainly were stereotyped as the world’s most touristy city and Capital de la mode for a reason! So why is this so? What do French people have to offer that the rest of the world can't? Most people would say culture, style, the word chic often comes to mind (another cliché) yet it's funny, because Australians in particular have this whole vision of Paris. Paris: the city of love; strolls along the Seine, 'selfies' in front of that bridge with the love locks on it, and of course the standard picnic photo sitting in front of La Tour Eiffel which is always overdone on Instagram. 

Before I moved to Paris I hadn't really spent that much time here. I came when I was 15 to visit my older brother Jack, who was on a year exchange at Science-Po, apparently the best school in France (and according to anyone studying there you aren't worthy if you study anywhere else!) I had also spent time on exchange in the north, in Lille, which doesn't offer much more than cold weather, grey skies and suicidal thoughts. Then this year, during summer, I spent a bit of time in the south due to one of my best friends being from Albi, near Toulouse. I met so many relaxed, laid-back French people, and thought: okay, there is such a difference.

Obviously I wasn't that shocked as all big cities are like this, bearing no physical/environmental resemblance to that of the neighbouring country side (not to mention the mindset of the people.) Yet, what I really want to mention is the difference between Parisians and French people, because there is a massive difference. French people in general are, according to my French friends, arrogant (more than I had ever imagined), dirty, stylish (even in the countryside), not as racist despite how they are depicted on Le Front National and to quote my French friend "All French people HATE hipsters" (despite what you see in some areas of France). Most Parisians also DESPISE English speakers who can't speak French, even though most of them don't speak much English. Perhaps fifty years ago moustaches were a French thing, but now, being a hipster and a non-French speaking tourist is probably the worst possible thing you could be, whilst in Paris. Not to mention the death threats you will see on the metro, via stickers stating “Hipsters must die.” East-Londoners coming to Paris on holidays, don't say I didn't warn you...

Clichés aside what are they really like? Well funnily enough, I have, in my short time here stumbled across the older French population, who still believe it's rude for women to smoke outdoors, and who don't wear jeans (there is no such thing as casual Fridays in Paris.) My first year history teacher that told me when you need to go to the toilet you must ask to wash your hands ("Puis-je aller me laver les mains s'il vous plaît Monsieur?") because apparently requesting you need the bathroom with any hint of actually needing the toilet is a NO-NO. But for the purpose of this discussion I am not referring to the older generations. The generations like my history teacher, who don't own a pair of jeans and never drink water from a tap (he's quote "Strictly badoit!")

No, I am referring to the current youth of today. Let's give them an age range say (18-26) and a representative for each sex. We have Nicco representing the boys and Nina representing the girls. When I asked my 22 year old male Parisian friend (who, unlike many, shares my sense of humour) to give me a definition of La Vraie Parisienne girl, without hesitation he said "La Vraie Parisienne girl is a contemptuous anorexic bitch who thinks she's a know-it-all."  So now you have met Nina.

Nina is the typical Parisian girl. She is affectionate to males but never in public, to maintain her façade of seeming aloof and mysteriously sexy. You will be greeted with two kisses: one on each cheek, just enough to get a smell of her alluring scent - but never three, she won't let you in that easily. And a hug is definitely out of the question. But don't let that worry you, boys, because she will probably go home with you at the end of the night. She is petite in size, coffee and cigarettes help to keep that up (this is not a cliché it is a fact.) She is brunette and can, unlike the rest of world, pull off a fringe because she has an extremely good bone structure. She's intelligent, she may wear sophisticated glasses (but never hipster frames - she's not a “dickhead”) and of course attends one of Paris' Grand Ecoles, like Science-Po, because let's face it, you're not smart if you don't. 

This is how she will make you feel, on a night out:

 

So what about our typical Parisian guy Nicco? Well, according to the same male Parisian friend who had a lot more to say when it came to his own gender, there are a few different categories.

Category 1 - "Monsieur Right Bank"

The right bank conservative rich white boy who lives in 8,17,16,15 and 1st arrondissements. He is a guy that votes UMP, goes on holiday to Normandie or Bretagne. He studies Law or is in a business school. Is often a little bit racist (but says he's not because he's got an Arab friend.) 

Category 2 - "Le Bobo" 

The "Bobo" (bourgeois-bohème) is also generally rich but doesn't admit it and this is why he thinks he is a hipster. He thinks Paris is the new Berlin…He is often liberal in his political views and from the French Left Political Party. He lives in the 1,9,4,14th arrondissements. 

Category 3 - Les Nouveaux Riches

Who is, as my friend describes, basically a cashed up bogan whose dad makes a lot of money but he has no education. He spends hundreds of euros in clubs on the Champs Elysées because YOLO and he is ridiculously pretentious. He usually lives in the 16th arrondissement or Neuilly-sur-Seine. He will study in an expensive Grand Ecole, despite his low IQ. He only speaks French. 

Category 4 - Fantasy four

This category represents Parisian guys who are desperate to fight their Parisian stereotypes by being open-minded, trilingual, well-travelled and wait for it, smile and chat to strangers! YAY! I have been very fortunate to make friends with some amazing Frenchies who fit these criteria! Yes, there's hope.

But back to my rant...

As an overview, the youth are much the same. They believe Paris is the new Berlin. They attend famous parties such as La Concrete, Die Nacht, Wanderlust and La Villette Enchantée. The new hype places are "conceptual." I've been out a few times since I arrived in Paris and despite the different atmospheres the people’s habits have generally remained the same. Whether it's going out with rich friends on the Champs-Elysées where the entrance fee is 20 euros, a beer costs 15 and your Asian friends are rejected by racist bouncers; or cool Stan Smith appropriate bars in Pigalle or Strasbourg Saint-Denis, being Australian I couldn't help but feel abnormally inhibited on the dance floor…

Something was missing in the vibe. I think it comes back to what I mentioned earlier about Parisians having to keep up this whole cool facade. I've never really see them just let go and get loose. Probably in fear of being judged (fair enough everyone is so judgemental here) but it can't be because they are timid. I mean, unlike Australian guys, they have no problem complimenting complete strangers and kissing girls on the lips when they exchange names. Of course cultures differ, but what they do miss which Australian boys have, is the capacity to just not care what people think and bloody dance! For example, I was at a party at La Villette Enchantée for Halloween and I was at the front of the 'mosh-pit' with a couple of French friends. First lesson I learned and I'm glad I learnt it early.

Now this has happened to me so many times it's difficult not to generalise but unlike in Australia you never make friends or smile to strangers dancing around you. Literally bump or touch anyone on the dance floor and they will look at you like you've just killed their dog. You may get this "Excuse-moi, t'as une problème meuf? contrôle -toi!" ("Excuse-me girl do you have a problem!? Control yourself!") Or if you are unlucky like me and sometimes stare into empty spaces without blinking for long periods of time, not noticing you are even looking at someone, you may get this "Oui ello tu regardes mon mec!?" - ("Yeh you. Are you checking out my man?") Obviously I'm not going to reply saying “No bitch, he's ugly” because I value my two front teeth. But it's like I am in a complete alternate universe where being outgoing and friendly to strangers makes you a freak. Alternatively, take the typical Parisian and put them on a dance floor in Australia and they would stand out like Hagrid (due to their dance moves, or should I say, lack of.) I tried to explain my dilemma to my French friend, that here I can be abused for brushing up next to someone, but if the same thing happened in Australia the guy would turn around and say “Sorry c**t didn't see ya there” (embrace - cue PNAU.) 

The typical Parisian girl is intimidating. They are generally overprotective of their boyfriends probably because some of them sleep around (unless it's the girl doing it herself.) The other thing I find bizarre is how casual they are. Entire friendship circles just sleep together. "So you guys are just friends?" - "Yes we have been best friends for six years. We have slept together, but we are just best friends"…I have the impression it's almost like a test run. Give your new good friend a go and if they're average then they become your best friend, if not date them. The other weekend I was out with a new French friend and she seemed pretty cosy with this one guy all night. It was getting pretty late and she told me she had to go so I asked: “You’re leaving without your boyfriend?” She replied “No, I'm going to meet him now.” (NO JOKE!!)

She obviously took the Spice Girls advice way too literally. I am one of the few here that agrees with the statement below.

 

Finally I found the word that describes everything I'm trying to say about Parisians. It describes how many of them act in nightclubs, act about sex, on the metro, when shopping, about life in general. The word is called "blasé" which translates as someone who isn't easily impressed, excited or worried by things, usually because they have experienced them before. "His seemingly blasé attitude.” It can also be described as being nonchalant (the typical nonchalant French shoulder shrug followed by - "Bah non, Je m'en fou.") It is the opposite of caring, enthusiastic, excited, interested, responsive and stimulated. (How Parisians are on the metro…NOT) No, that's not fair, once a lady helped me on the metro, but she was from Provence (ba dum ch) But I don't know what the hype is about Russians never smiling because I've never received a smile from a Parisian on the metro…. except from a dodgy looking guy, whose lighter I picked up when he dropped it whilst trying to roll a joint.

This is a blasé attitude:

 

 

However they can be a little bit too blasé for my liking. There is a common joke: "What do you call someone that speaks three languages? Tri-lingual. "What do you call someone that speaks two languages? Bi-lingual, and what do you call someone that speaks one language? French." It's just, I find it so patronising every time you meet someone they say in a slow, condescending tone "Tu parles super bien francaises" ("You speak very good French.") Even though all I did was introduce myself, they just seem so surprised! It's like, yes, in other countries it is normal to learn another language? They just don't want to speak English and god forbid you speak French with an American accent (you'd make more friends being mute.) 

 
Speaking of Americans that reminds me. I watched a youtube video by a young good-looking Parisian guy and his thoughts on American girls, entitled 'Les Femmes Americaines.' In the video he basically rants on for a whole eleven minutes in French about why he doesn't like them. They are badly dressed because "ils ont rien à foutre" (they don't give a fuck) and they show too much skin. And quelle horreur! Once he even saw an American girl wear her pyjamas in public. He was also disgusted that they wore jogging clothes in public, unlike in the Western Suburbs where we pride ourselves on having a coffee at Vans sporting the new neon Nike frees and sexy legs in some tight dance pants. (“Active-wear, active-wear”- Ed.) His second dilemma was with their make-up - how they always wear it and French girls never wear it. Furthermore American girls tell you what they think and that they shout for no reason, which he finds too verbal and aggressive and French girls never do it. Then he really is too much, explaining how it shocked him that they would kiss guys so easily but never sleep with them, unlike in France where it's very hard to kiss girls but they will go home with you. ("Les filles francaises s'embrasse beaucoup plus difficilement mais quand ça se passe, voilà, ça se passe") which is actually kind of true. He concludes "Elles sont folle!" (They are crazy!) So after losing eleven minutes of my life, I reflected on what I had taken away from it.  

 
Sadly many of his observations are true. From what I have observed so far in Paris, French women don't kiss guys in clubs or act 'slutty' or dress so. Yet some will have no problem going home with a guy (it seems flirting is too much effort so why not just cut to the chase?) In fact I have never heard the word pute (slut) used in a conversation. The difference is, in Australia, us girls for some reason like to wear tiny shorts showcasing half our ass and those crop tops that go oh so nicely in conjunction. Maybe we are pretty or maybe it's Maybelline but we generally love a cake face. Because let's 'face' it, our sun-damaged skin does not suit the au natural look French girls can pull off. So take our face, choice of provocative clothing and collaborate that with our rowdy, attention seeking behaviour and voila! This is the reason “slut” is an over-used word in our vocabulary (even if the girl I just described is a 14 year old virgin posting photos in her bikini on Instagram.) Conversely, what I see here in Paris, are females dressing conservatively, acting reserved and aloof. So - to my male Australian friends - don't be put off by a resting bitch face… she is probably going home with you tonight. There is no beating around the bush ;)

So if you made it to the end of this article or rant (because let's be honest, that's all blog posts are really) then you're probably thinking: “Shit! How has she lived there for 3.5 years if she's that fucking negative about Parisians? Well the truth is. I'm not! I love it here. You learn to love the differences and they do have many endearing qualities and customs you won't find in Australia… but I'll save that for another article.
 

 To all you Aussie battlers coming to Paris to study, learn French or (god help me) find love, you thought Paris was this fairy tale? Just like the people who got on the Titanic thought they were going on a vacation...things aren't always as they seem. I hope this has helped you get a head start on what to expect, steer clear of, and be forced to appreciate. Remember, learn some French unless you want to be lonely. When in doubt, wear black, and when clubbing keep the fist pumping to a minimum. You're already going to stand out for being that tall, loud Australian so don't make it harder on yourself by being the ridiculously wasted one.